Can we talk about this for a minute?
Why are grown women still comparing themselves to other women like we’re walking through the halls of high school trying to figure out who has the better outfit, the better boyfriend, the better hair, or the better life?
Ugh. Gross.
I thought we were done with this.
And yet here we are.
Except now instead of comparing lockers, boyfriends, and who got invited to whose party, we’re comparing houses, marriages, careers, bodies, vacations, kids, businesses, bank accounts, kitchens, and whose damn sourdough starter looks the happiest.
Ladies.
We have got to stop.
Because first of all, you are looking at her highlight reel.
You are not looking at her real life.
You’re looking at the 14 seconds she chose to show you.
The clean kitchen.
The smiling husband.
The successful business.
The perfectly dressed kids.
The vacation.
The flowers sitting on the counter that her husband totally surprised her with.
Maybe he did.
Maybe they had a screaming match three hours earlier.
You don't know.
And that's the point.
Social Media Isn't Real Life
I'm not saying everything people post is fake.
I'm saying it's selected.
People show you what they want you to see.
Most of us aren't grabbing our phones when we're sitting on the bathroom floor crying.
We're not posting a selfie when the bank account is overdrawn.
We're not making an Instagram Reel in the middle of an argument with our spouse.
We're not posting, Hey guys! Just wanted to hop on here and let everyone know I have absolutely no fucking idea what I'm doing with my life right now!
Although, honestly, maybe we should.
It would make the internet a hell of a lot more interesting.
The woman you're comparing yourself to probably has shit going on too.
She doesn't have it all together.
She just might be really good at making it look like she does.
And maybe that's the persona she wants people to see. Maybe she likes looking perfect. Maybe she's protecting her privacy. Maybe she needs people to believe she's got it all figured out.
Whatever the reason — her social media feed is not a measuring stick for your life.
And Can We Talk About Women Tearing Down Other Women?
Because this one pisses me off.
Women can be awful to other women.
There. I said it.
We judge.
We gossip.
We compare.
We secretly feel a little better about ourselves when someone we envy screws up.
And sometimes women will sit quietly waiting for another woman to fail just so they can say, See? I knew it.
What are we doing?
Seriously.
What are we, 16?
If another woman starts a business and it's successful...clap for her.
If she gets the promotion...clap for her.
If she loses the weight she wanted to lose...clap for her.
If she gains weight and finally feels comfortable in her body...clap for her.
If she leaves the shitty relationship...clap for her.
If she stays home with her kids...clap for her.
If she works 60 hours a week building a career she loves...clap for her.
Her success does not take anything away from you.
Read that again.
Another woman's success does not mean you are failing.
There is room for both of you.
Stop Stooping Down to Their Level
And yes, there are women who aren't going to clap for you.
There are women who will talk about you.
There are women who will roll their eyes when you succeed.
There are women who will secretly enjoy watching you struggle.
Let them do just that. They weren't going to be the ones cheering you on anyway.
But you do not have to become one of them.
You don't have to stoop to their level just because they decided to live there.
You don't need revenge.
You don't need to prove anything.
You don't need to make some cryptic Facebook post so everyone knows you're totally unbothered.
You know what actually shows you're unbothered?
Being unbothered.
Keep going.
Build your life.
Cheer for the women who deserve your cheers.
And stop wasting your energy trying to convince people who have already decided not to like you.
What Are We Teaching Our Daughters?
This is the part that really gets me.
Our daughters are watching us.
They're watching how we talk about our bodies.
They're watching how we talk about other women.
They're watching us scroll through Instagram and say, God, look at her. Must be nice.
They're listening when we pick another woman apart because we're insecure about ourselves.
What exactly are we teaching them?
That another woman's beauty threatens theirs?
That another woman's success makes them less successful?
That women are competition?
That we should smile at each other in public and rip each other apart when we get home?
No.
Absolutely fucking not.
I want our daughters to know that there is enough room at the table for all of us.
And if there isn't?
Pull up another damn chair.
Maybe We Could Actually Root for Each Other
Imagine what would happen if women collectively decided to stop competing with women who weren't even competing with them.
Imagine if we stopped comparing.
Stopped judging.
Stopped assuming someone's life is better because their Instagram feed is prettier.
Stopped waiting for each other to fail.
And actually started saying:
Good for her.
And meaning it.
Because someday you're going to do something you're incredibly proud of.
You're going to take the risk.
Start the business.
Leave the relationship.
Change careers.
Go back to school.
Raise incredible kids.
Make the thing.
Write the thing.
Finally choose yourself.
And you're going to want someone in your corner saying:
Look at her fucking go.
Be that woman for someone else.
We aren't in high school anymore.
Thank God.
Ladies, we can do better.
And I really think it's about damn time we did.